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Vote for Archibald!/Transcript
This is an episode transcript for Vote for Archibald!. Transcript (Bob, Petunia, and Archibald are walking downtown, approaching a small crowd.) Carrot Man: Whoa! Look who's here! I can't believe my eyes! Archibald: Oh Yes, yes, it is I, your adoring- (The crowd runs past Archibald, knocking him over, before he can even finish.) Archibald: ...mayor. (Scene switches to show the crowd gathered around Tom Celeriac, who is posing for the camera and signing autographs. A carrot reporter approaches Tom.) Carrot Reporter: Mr. Celeriac, it's a thrill to have you visiting our neck of the house. Tom Celeriac: I feel 'stache-tastic! Crowd: Whoo-hoo! (Bob, Petunia, and Archibald make their way through the crowd.) Carrot Reporter: What brings you to our town? Tom Celeriac: I figured this town could use a little action! Someone: Everybody, freeze! (A corn man and a broccoli man, both wearing sunglasses, appear in front of everyone in town.) Corn Man: We're bad guys who have come to ruin your harmonious small-town way of life! Crowd: (gasps) Broccoli Man: Yeah! We brought nunchakus! (The corn man and the broccoli man start twirling the nunchakus in a threatening matter.) Tom Celeriac: Not on my watch, you punks! I brought mustache-chakus! (Tom jumps up into the air, as the corn man and the broccoli man drops their nunchakus and fall to the ground. Tom lands on them then jumps up, as the corn man and the broccoli man get up again. Tom faces the two again before he starts doing karate moves with his mustache, which causes the broccoli man to fall over. Tom then starts throwing fake punches with his mustache, which causes the corn man to fall into the fountain. The crowd watches the fight taking place.) Archibald: That was so obviously not real. Bob: That was so cool! Tom Celeriac: I'm here to announce I got bored with making movies and have decided to pursue a new dream: running for mayor! Crowd: (gasps) (The corn man and the broccoli man bring out a large flier that reads "Vote for Tom Celeriac. He's famous".) Tom Celeriac: Vote for me and you can expect plenty more exciting stunt fights like the one you saw. (The crowd starts cheering as they crowd around Tom.) Bob: Tom Celeriac is running for mayor? (Scene switches to back at Archibald's mayoral office, where Archibald is seen pacing around nervously.) Archibald: He wants to take my job? But I love being mayor! Do you think he can win solely on facial hair and fame? Bob: Such amazing facial hair and fame. Guys, you gotta see this! (There is a political ad on TV, showing Tom Celeriac.) Tom Celeriac: Mayor Archibald is out of touch. Besides, he can't grow a mustache. Is that the kind of leadership you really want? It's time for a change. It's time for... Tom. (Tom is shown lifting a weight with his mustache, then throws the weight away as he walks away just as an explosion happens from behind him.) Tom Celeriac: I'm Tom Celeriac. Vote for me because I'm famous, because my mustache is amazing, and because I have no fear of explosions. Announcer: Paid for by the Citizens for Tom Celeriac. (Archibald turns off the TV in annoyance.) Archibald: What does having a mustache have to do with- (Archibald's cell phone rings, interrupting him. Archibald answers the cell phone.) Archibald: Hello? Of course I can grow a mustache! (Another cell phone rings, as Archibald also answers that cell phone.) Archibald: Yes? Explosions are scary things, why does it matter? (Another cell phone rings after that, as Petunia gives that cell phone to Archibald.) Archibald: Mayor's office. You're not going to vote for me? But- (sighs) This is madness. This Tom fellow can say anything he wants and everyone believes him! Petunia, I need you to help me come up with a slogan that conveys my love and commitment to this job. Bob, I need you to help me. (Scene switches to show Bob talking on his cell phone.) Bob: Me? Chief of Tom Celeriac's campaign staff? Of course! I'm his biggest fan! (Bob hangs up after that, as he picks up a briefcase.) Bob: Celeriac wants me to work for him! Can you believe it? Maybe he'll sign my collector mugs! Archibald: But, Bob, I need you here! Bob: Oh, don't worry, Larry has agreed to help with your campaign in my place. Archibald: Not Larry Larry? Bob: Yep. See ya! (Bob leaves after that, as the elevator dings, before Larry shows up while carrying a stick with a marshmallow on it.) Larry: I'm here and I'm ready for camping! Petunia: Campaigning. It means helping Archibald keep his job as mayor. Archibald: We have to talk about the thing that matter to people. We have to challenge him to a debate! Petunia: Yes! A debate would be awesometacular! Larry: So no camping? (Scene switches to the town square, where a crowd has gathered where the debate is about to take place. Ichabeezer approaches the front of the crowd and speaks into a microphone.) Ichabeezer: Welcome to the town hall debate between Tom Celeriac and Mayor Archibald. Please hold all applause till- (The crowd starts clapping and cheering before Ichabeezer can even finish when Tom shows up and takes his place at the podium. Archibald also takes his place at the podium, but is instead met with the sound of crickets chirping.) Ichabeezer: Let's get right to the questions. (Ichabeezer hands the microphone to Jimmy, who asks the first question.) Jimmy: Um, three-part question. In episode 57 of "Mustache Hero", you were wearing a hat at the opening, and when the camera cut back to you, it was gone. Part two, in episode 167, you referenced Clara as if she was working for you when in the previous episode you had fired her. Part three, can you say a line from "Not Without My Mustache"? I love that movie. Tom Celeriac: Must fight! Must win! Mus... tache! (Everyone applauds and cheers after that.) Jimmy: Yeah, he did it! Ichabeezer: Archibald, do you have an answer? Archibald: Well, I have never seen that film, but I would rather discuss policy and- Crowd: Boo! No policy! Ichabeezer: Next question. Lisa Asparagus. (Ichabeezer hands the microphone to Lisa Asparagus after that.) Lisa: Yes, what are your plans to improve education in our schools? Archibald: Oh, I'm glad you asked. I believe that- (splurting sounds) That improving even basic educa- (The splurting sounds continue, before it is revealed that Tom is playing with a whoopee cushion to drown out Archibald's answer, which everyone laughs at.) Archibald: ...will help our children- (splurting sounds) ...become responsible- (splurting sounds) ...considerate, mature adults. (Tom continues playing with the whoopee cushion, just as the buzzer sounds after that, while everyone still laughs.) Ichabeezer: You time is up. Tom, do you have an answer to the question? Tom Celeriac: My answer to that question is the answer to every question: mustache push-ups. (Tom starts doing a push-up with his mustache, which everyone applauds and cheers for. It is now Pa Grape's turn to ask a question.) Pa: What is your plan for the building of new parks? Archibald: Oh! Finally, a serious- Tom Celeriac: (cuts him off) I'll take this one. My plan is to buy everyone in town a new car! (Everyone cheers once again after Tom makes this announcement.) Archibald: Um, that wasn't addressing the question. May I answer? (everyone leaves) Hello? (Scene switches to back at Archibald's mayoral office.) Archibald: "Tom Celeriac wins the debate"? "Archibald's lack of mustache may cost him the vote"? Why don't people see through this man? Larry: They don't have X-ray goggles? Archibald: They call me a wimpy, small-chinned man who doesn't know karate or walk calmly away from explosions. Larry: Actually, they have a point there. Petunia: Maybe we need to work on your image? Show them the action hero side of Mayor Archibald! Archibald: Good plan! (incredulous) Wait. Do I even have an action hero side? Larry: That's it! If you want to beat Tom, all you gotta do is be awesomer than him! (Petunia puts a mustache on Archibald's face, before Larry gives Archibald a pair of sunglasses, which Archibald puts on.) Archibald: How do I look? Petunia: More like Mayor Archi-bold! Larry: Yeah, or Mayor Awesome-bald! Or Mayor Super-bald! How about Mayor Crazy-Style-Super-Bald-3000? Archibald: I must admit I feel silly, but I'll give it a try. Petunia: Try to talk tougher. Larry: Yeah. Give us some of your tough guy aptitude. Archibald: I ain't got time for discussion! I got windows to jump through! (Archibald jumps to the side, but runs into a pole. When he tries to get back up again, he falls on his other side.) Archibald: I'm fine! Oh! What am I going to do? (singing) I've taken you for granted Oh, city of mine And I need to win you back Just because of his Mighty chin and mustache You love Tom Celeriac! And I'm tellin' you, Celeriac I'm gonna stand tall And ignore your facial hair And your disturbingly chiseled jaw! I'm your rockin' mayor And I'm here to rock I'm walkin' the walk And talkin' the talk! Tom, you won't be mayor You ain't got what I got I'm a mayor on fire Yeah, this mayor is hot! When it comes to votes I've got the mayor spot locked 'Cause, Tom, you rock a little But I rock a lot, yeah! I'm the rockin' mayor and I rock Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock-rock-rock-rock-rock... (trilling) Rock! Oh, yeah! Vote for me, everyone! Tom Celeriac: Ha! (Everyone can only laugh at Archibald after that, which makes Archibald feel even more sadder. Scene switches to Bob and Larry's home. Tom is reading the newspaper.) Tom Celeriac: According to the paper, people loved my free car solution. Bob: When you're mayor, do you really think you can just give people cars? Tom Celeriac: Couldn't hurt. Bob: Well, that's not the mayor's job. Archibald knows and loves this town. He's a real mayor. The only place you should be mayor of is in the movies. I made a big mistake. I quit! (Bob leaves after that, before Tom gets another idea.) Tom Celeriac: Mayor? In a movie? Well, that's a... that's a great idea. Marty, get the camera. (Scene switches to Archibald, Larry, and Petunia in the town square, where Archibald attempts to use a nunchakus but ends up hitting himself in the face when he twirls them.) Petunia: Archie, save your energy. We never should have talked you into trying to act like Tom. (Larry looks over and becomes happy when he, Petunia, and Archibald see Bob come back to them.) All: Bob! Bob: This town needs Archibald! Consider me back on your staff! (Archibald takes off his fake mustache and puts his monocle back on.) Archibald: Let's do this! All: Yay! (Scene switches to the next morning, the election day, as the crowd gathers around to vote for their new mayor.) Carrot Reporter: There's a lot of energy out here as voters decide... keep Archibald or give Tom his job? Ichabeezer: The votes are in! And the winner and new mayor is... Tom Celeriac, of course. (Everyone cheers and applauds.) Ichabeezer: Where is Tommy? Larry: Whoo-hoo! Yeah! (Larry stops cheering when he sees that Bob and Petunia are saddened about Archibald losing the election.) Ichabeezer: Apparently, Tom has not arrived yet, so we will let Archibald give his loser spee- I mean, concession speech. (Archibald approaches the crowd after that.) Archibald: Friends, I should never have tried to be like Tom Celeriac. He's a much better Tom Celeriac than I could ever be. I have to be the best Archibald I can, even if that means I won't be your mayor anymore. (Tom suddenly drives up to the crowd in his monster truck and lands in front of the townspeople.) Tom Celeriac: Sorry I'm late, but last night I had a realization thanks to my assistant, that tomato over there. I ran for mayor because I thought I was tired of movies. (chuckling) Let's face it. I'd make a terrible mayor, right? All: (gasps) Tom Celeriac: I realized the only town I should be mayor of is one in a movie. (The corn man and broccoli man set up a movie screen, which shows a preview for the new movie that Tom made.) Tom Celeriac: (Narrating) Tom Celeriac is no ordinary mayor. Not even close. Corn Woman: Mr. Celeriac, crime is up a jillion percent. Tom Celeriac: Don't you worry, Judith. I know how to settle the score. Tom Celeriac: (Narrating) By day he's mayor, but by night he's crime's worst nightmare. (Tom swings on a rope through town, approaching the corn man and broccoli man, who are in an alley.) Broccoli Man: Hey, is that the mayor? (Tom swings in and knocks the corn man and broccoli man over.) Tom Celeriac: Crime, get out of my town! Tom Celeriac: (Narrating) This summer, Tom Celeriac is your worst Night-Mayor! (Tom jumps up as the movie's title comes up, which is "Night-Mayor". Everyone cheers after the preview ends.) Petunia: (sarcastically) Night-Mayor. Clever. (gasps) (Camera pans out to show Bob and Larry looking excited, while Larry has his mouth wide open with his tongue stretched out on the ground.) Bob: That was so cool! Tom Celeriac: Thanks for your votes, but you had a good mayor already. Consider this my resignation. I have a movie to make! (Tom jumps off after that, while Archibald is happy that he's the mayor again.) Bob: Archibald is still the mayor! Larry: Does this mean I don't get a free car? Jean-Claude: Archibald is a great mayor! Archibald: Friends, your mayor has returned! (Everyone still continues cheering for Archibald, as the episode ends.)Category:Transcripts Category:VeggieTales in the House transcripts Category:Finished Transcripts